Sepia

night falls, thickly
with a taste of tangy orange
that masks the lump in my throat
while I think about
saying goodbye to you, predestined,
in the early hours of morning

discomfort slouches at the back of my neck
& I tap my nails on those angular customs
as I see myself squirm in this crammed space —
You and Me were all sepia smiles &
so much more than worn wooden benches

I will keep our moments
in a pudding cup,
squeeze them joyfully
a little too hard
& still raise your voice
long after the silence.

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Pebbles In Time

once
I buried you
in the shallow waters
below the bridge &
when I hung my head in shame
I could see your frown deepen,
touched by the current

your gaze lingered
throughout the years, never wavering
beneath those watered-down ripples
while I closed my eyes
& burnt my heart

now
you & me
gather pebbles from the riverbed
(like long-lost treasure),
for they cradled your love for me
while I was Gone.

___________________________________________________________
For my Friend (capital “F”). Thank you… from the bottom of my heart.
Never ever want to lose you again. xx

Dear Stranger,

i know which day it is.
of course i know.
i’ve had this queasy feeling in my stomach all week.
last year, i sent you a postcard from this spanish island – and i wrote it in tears.
this year, i won’t even do that.

i don’t know if you even deserve it if i say happy birthday – no, i won’t say it. you probably don’t.
i guess part of me wants everything to still be okay.
we were friends… after all.

ah, i think i’ll just wish you a *blank* *blank* (whatever that might be) and be done… i’m not really sure why i wrote this…
had to get it out of my head somehow, right?

have a nice life. ???!!!

sincerely,
someone you once knew

A Smurfy Tale

I am pissed at someone.
royally pissed. (so pissed, that I will even use capital I’s for this post.)

since this is my cave, I decided to spray paint the walls black and red for a little while… because I really need to blow off some steam.

let’s call this person The Smurf.

the smurf and I went roller skating… for about 3 years. It was great in the beginning – and I mean GREAT… you can’t imagine how much fun we had.

Then came the time where the smurf faced a really steep hill – one, the smurf had no option but to go down. I made sure the smurf didn’t fall too hard, took care of the smurf’s boo boo’s, applied more than enough band-aids for a lifetime and basically tried everything to keep the smurf off the concrete. it was fine. it was a pleasure for me to take care of the smurf – because I always thought that the smurf would do the same for me. the smurf did in the beginning… and i was happy.
the hill really was steep, but the smurf mastered it – bravely.
the smurf stayed off the ground.

recently, I had to discover that the smurf also looking out for me wasn’t true… not anymore. I got unstable, took a tumble and fell right on my butt, while the smurf stood idly by… not offering a hand, not even a word. while I had a fresh wound that needed patching up, the smurf was still too busy licking his old wounds and wallowing in the pain they caused.
I do know that some of the wounds the smurf suffered needed stitching and they still need time to heal… but I honestly have no idea how the smurf got so self-centred… and now ignores – and insults – the ones who care about the smurf, whom the smurf once deeply cared about.

sadly, the once so wonderful, caring and friendly smurf now looks like this:

and I am simply sick and tired of looking like this:

I can only hope the smurf will come back around, because underneath, the smurf is beautiful. until then, I will stay away… and let the smurf be grouchy.

if the smurf never comes back… well, so be it. nothing I can – and want to – do about it.
rant over.

now, back to whitewashing my cave’s walls… maybe not white yet, but a brighter shade than black and red… until the storm clouds pass.

i will go now and tape my scowl away… hope i can find tape strong enough for that.

___________________
photo credits: internet