are you stronger on your own
dragging yourself forward
with broken fingers

& does your voice not matter
while your words
fail to impress?

time flies
and so will you.


Skeleton’s Monarchy

fleshy curves
are yesterday’s fashion.
rattling bones,
stick figures –
parade in the spotlight.
size 0
and below –
the crucial point;
if you can’t juggle,
work those numbers,
you don’t count at all.

when did starvation
become healthy living?
the face of beauty
clings to inflexible bones…
counting calories
to unconsciousness –
and beauty drowns
in an ill-fated clutter
of diet products.

photo credits:

The Flow of Energies

for the past couple of years, i have read a lot about the flow of energies. it is astonishing how much you can improve your life if you only pay a little attention.
(a great read concerning the flow of energies is James Redfield’s “The Celestine Prophecy”… it opened my eyes to a lot of things.)

i was always so tired, frustrated, fed up… hated my chores, could barely even stand my job anymore, felt like society was sucking the last bit of energy out of me, draining me completely.
it’s all a lot easier when you don’t let people get to your reserves…. and it took me a long time to realize this. it’s quite simple, really. when you interact with someone, it’s basically all about giving and taking. there are a lot of people out there who are only focused on doing one of the two… the helpers and the takers. most of them act the way they act because they’ve never been taught differently… it’s their parents’ patterns imprinted on them.

the helpers are always drained… they give and give without ever taking anything back, without ever expecting anything in return… and soon enough, they run out of fuel. and if they ever even so much as think about complaining, they think they will be frowned upon by society… for being selfish.

the takers, well, they take. without thinking. usually they surround themselves with a ton of helpers who are willing to give freely… because, hey, they’re stupid enough to offer energy for free, so why give something in return when what you need is offered to you willingly? pretty clever way to get your energy restored, and it’s not their fault either – they were shaped this way.

the trick is to find a balance. not as easy as it seems, because you have to constantly be aware of your surroundings, the way you go about things, the way you interact with other people. once you’ve seen your patterns though, it gets simpler. you can see pretty soon which people you want to interact with and which you’d better not.
society teaches us that it’s good to help others… but it doesn’t tell us to be cautious as well. if you give too much, you drain yourself. whoever tells you that helping is good, should also make you aware of the consequences of giving too much.

i’ve been a helper for most of my life… and i always wondered why i didn’t feel better… because, hey, i made others feel better, right? so why not myself? how stupid i was.

i had a conversation last night… a pretty good one. we were both pretty tired when we started out talking, but once we got a little further into the conversation, the energy started to flow. we were recharging… we were both aware of what we were doing, and at the end of the conversation, we weren’t tired at all. it felt so good. peaceful. at ease.

never let your guard down while interacting with others. take care of yourself.

develop healthy egoism. (yes i know, the word egoism has a bad ring to it… we instantly start thinking about being selfish… that’s not the fact though. you need healthy egoism for self-preservation.)

give and take. never only do one of the two things, always do both.

most of you will probably think i’m crazy while reading this, but maybe some of you will understand. i am thankful for those out there, who will. you’re on the right track.

once you’ve seen the energies flow unhindered, you will never want to get back to your old ways. it’s so beautiful what we can do for each other without giving up on ourselves.

photo credits:

The Grocery Walk of Shame

i went grocery shopping today.
i couldn’t go alone.
unfortunately, i have to rely on crutches for a time because i fell down some stairs and really gave it to my ankle. so i needed a good samaritan to take me to the store, and i found one.
when we pulled into the parking lot, the only spot close to the store was a real tight one, and since i’m not so good at walking long distances right now, we took it.
it isn’t easy to get out of the car with crutches and even harder if there’s not much space, so i had to work a bit. i was extra careful to not bang the car door against the car next to us – i thought that was very considerate of me.
halfway through my struggle, i noticed this guy standing there, keys in hand, giving me a disapproving glance. his stance made it fairly obvious that it was his car next to ours, his tapping foot implied that he was in a hurry, and his glare told me that he dared me to touch his car with my car door.
he watched me for a good long while, muttering under his breath, until i finally managed to get out of the car and stand up on my 3 feet (2 silver ones, the other one was mine – the 4th is on a well deserved vacation after all the trouble i put it through).
it would have saved him some time to just hold the door open for me, but i didn’t dare rob him of the opportunity to get angry about something by asking if he could lend me a hand… some people need it more than they need food. and he seemed to be that kind of guy.
so i gave him a passing smile (an honest one) and went into the store.

i work at a neurological rehab clinic. lots of people in wheelchairs, using crutches or canes… i’m used to it. it’s normal to me. but today i really got to see (and feel) that it’s not normal to most others.
there i was, hobbling through the store with my good samaritan by my side, carrying my basket… you wouldn’t believe the stares we got.
people shied away whenever i got closer, as if i were infectious. really unbelievable. i briefly considered to start coughing and wheezing, but eventually decided against it.
i always knew about the weird looks handicapped people got in public, but today i felt them. it’s disturbing and humiliating.

i can only imagine how horrible it must be to go through this every day. i am lucky to get rid of my crutches soon enough, but a lot of people out there will never get better. they’re stuck for life.

i can only say: hats off to you.
you are my heroes.

Dear Rumbling Stomach,

i have been trying to figure out why you always start talking loudly when i least expect it, and so far i have come to no conclusion whatsoever. starting to roar like a lion when i have company doesn’t only make you look bad, but me as well.

i know you are only doing your job, but – digestion aside – why don’t you take a break once in a while?

it’s totally okay to let your voice echo through the depth of my bowels right now (since i’m alone), but may i ask you to take a break once i have company? i would really appreciate it.
besides, everyone needs a break now and then (i don’t want you to end up with burnout syndrome and, as a result, maybe giving me an ulcer), so maybe you’ll consider it next time you start working frantically and i’m drawing unwanted looks.
just take it easy.

thanks in advance,
your container

Dear Crutches,

i have to admit you look quite fancy with your bright red handles, your long, silver bodies and your little red shoes, but now that i have to rely on you approximately 18 hours a day, would you mind thinking about making the next generation a bit more comfortable?!
not that i mind having arms like Schwarzenegger, but the heels of my hands could really use a break. really. i mean it.
i would appreciate it if you took my request into consideration and will be waiting for your answer.

your owner