Dear Uneasy Feeling,

you must like it in the comfortable cave of my stomach.

today, you’re like an unwanted guest… no matter how much i try to bore you, stare at my wristwatch and tell you i don’t have time for this, you won’t go away.
yes, you know i’m a polite person and i don’t like to yell… but let me tell you, i am really close to yelling at YOU.

so, consider this your last polite warning. if you’re not gone soon, i’m going to get the broom.

the annoyed landlady

Jerry Maguire… really?!

for some reason, i can’t stop thinking about the movie ‘Jerry Maguire’ today… and it makes me furious!
there’s this scene when he’s standing in her house, telling her the famous sentence…

You complete me.

once, i thought this was very romantic. now, i just want to scream!! i want to tell her to run as far as she can… for that guy will drain her completely.
most people would be really happy to hear this from someone they loved… me, it would make me want to not be with them. that sentence states that the one you’re with clearly hasn’t found his (or her) self yet.
in case of this movie, he will be the leech… and she will be the victim.

in my opinion, only two people who are whole will be able to have a functioning, healthy relationship. and the fact that this scene was displayed on TV, in Movie Theatres… just makes me want to shake my head.
i’m not saying i’m whole. i’m not saying i’m perfect… but at least, i’m working on my ways.

rant over. damn you, Jerry Maguire!

The Grocery Walk of Shame

i went grocery shopping today.
i couldn’t go alone.
unfortunately, i have to rely on crutches for a time because i fell down some stairs and really gave it to my ankle. so i needed a good samaritan to take me to the store, and i found one.
when we pulled into the parking lot, the only spot close to the store was a real tight one, and since i’m not so good at walking long distances right now, we took it.
it isn’t easy to get out of the car with crutches and even harder if there’s not much space, so i had to work a bit. i was extra careful to not bang the car door against the car next to us – i thought that was very considerate of me.
halfway through my struggle, i noticed this guy standing there, keys in hand, giving me a disapproving glance. his stance made it fairly obvious that it was his car next to ours, his tapping foot implied that he was in a hurry, and his glare told me that he dared me to touch his car with my car door.
he watched me for a good long while, muttering under his breath, until i finally managed to get out of the car and stand up on my 3 feet (2 silver ones, the other one was mine – the 4th is on a well deserved vacation after all the trouble i put it through).
it would have saved him some time to just hold the door open for me, but i didn’t dare rob him of the opportunity to get angry about something by asking if he could lend me a hand… some people need it more than they need food. and he seemed to be that kind of guy.
so i gave him a passing smile (an honest one) and went into the store.

i work at a neurological rehab clinic. lots of people in wheelchairs, using crutches or canes… i’m used to it. it’s normal to me. but today i really got to see (and feel) that it’s not normal to most others.
there i was, hobbling through the store with my good samaritan by my side, carrying my basket… you wouldn’t believe the stares we got.
people shied away whenever i got closer, as if i were infectious. really unbelievable. i briefly considered to start coughing and wheezing, but eventually decided against it.
i always knew about the weird looks handicapped people got in public, but today i felt them. it’s disturbing and humiliating.

i can only imagine how horrible it must be to go through this every day. i am lucky to get rid of my crutches soon enough, but a lot of people out there will never get better. they’re stuck for life.

i can only say: hats off to you.
you are my heroes.

Press-Studs for my Arms

… on random thought, i wish i had press-studs attaching my arms to my body, so i could take them off at night. no matter which way you roll, they are always in the way! and if you decide to power through and to just not care, they’ll eventually start hurting.
why wouldn’t they, hungry for attention as they are… i bet they just don’t understand that nighttime is not their time to shine… as much as we use them during the day, they might feel neglected.
i guess this will always be a wish… i can keep dreaming, right?!

photo credits:

Beauty and other Merchandise

out of curiosity, i googled the word ‘beauty’ in the category pictures today… and to be frank, i was quite shocked what i saw. lots and lots of pictures of women looking like barbies, wearing tons of make-up (plastered to ‘perfection‘ – and of course, credit goes to photoshop as well), a picture of a little girl from a beauty pageant website, make-up, Justin Bieber (???) and – of course – more women. i had to scroll down quite far to even see anything else… all in all very disappointing.
my expectations weren’t that high when i started my search, but i have to admit i expected a bit more than this. has mankind really become so superficial?! artificial?! it seems like it…

beauty is in the eye of the beholder…

… is that statement still adequate if we raise our children in a world where superficiality seems to be essential? where corporate groups dictate and shape our environment, telling us what’s beautiful and what isn’t?

hats off to the individuals who withstand.
glad you still exist.